Jingle Bells

Last night we went caroling which of course required us to sing "Jingle Bells" and also "We Wish You a Merry Christmas".  I believe this is the second rule of caroling.  The first one is that people must wear their scariest Christmas ensemble.  You know the one I'm talking about.  It's the one that you probably received from your aunt or grandma, is quite possibly homemade or inexplicably has LED lights embedded in it and when you opened it, you did a double take to make sure your eyes hadn't somehow stopped functioning.  When you ascertained that they were in fact working, you stumbled around for an appropriate response to the train wreck in front of you, as it slowly dawned upon your conscious mind that you would now be required to wear said horror show to every family Christmas function for the foreseeable future. 

Merry Christmas.  

Anyway, that's the first rule as far as I know.  Thankfully, no one in our group has an aunt or grandma who hates them so we just went straight to Rule #2 which is: "Sing "Jingle Bells" and don't forget to LAUGH after the "laughing all the way" part.  I usually need to avoid this part for the following reason:  I am incapable of doing the "HA!  HA!  HA!" part without doing it into the ear of whichever one of my kids happens to be standing closest to me.  The look on their faces when they realize I'm about to embarrass them yet again, usually launches me into real laughter which in turn incapacitates me so I can't sing my favorite part of the song which of course is singing as loudly as possible, the word "upsot".  Funniest.  Word.  Ever.  I wish I had lived in Victorian England so I could have gone through life using that word.  As it stands, I may just start my own campaign to use it whenever humanly possible.  For instance, "While getting gas, the pump did not shut off so it spilled five gallons of fuel on my shoe.  That really upsot me."  or "I was upsot when someone else grabbed the last $400 flatscreen TV right in front of me on Black Friday." (The juxtaposition of Black Friday and a using word such as "upsot" is epic here.) or "Wow.  Another flat tire.  That's upsotting."

Moving along....

What happened last night was Mike was home and got to go caroling with us.  So, now I was supposed to sing "upsot", do the "hahaha's" and not laugh, which means I was not to look at Mike for any reason.  I managed to do this successfully at the first house.  Unfortunately, I also happened to read the third verse of the song (Did anyone besides my Mom know there's FOUR verses to "Jingle Bells"?).  Here's what it says:
A day or two ago
The story I must tell
I went out on the snow
And on my back I fell
A gent was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie
But quickly drove away

Are you kidding me?  I showed it to Mike because what else was I supposed to do?  Then he gave me "The Look".  You know the one I'm talking about.  It's the look that says:  
"I'm choosing to be more mature than you are right now and I'm not going to react to this."
"Not.  Reacting.  No.  Matter.  What."
"Why do you do these things to me in public?"
"Am I supposed to react?
"If so, how am I supposed to react?"
"Would someone PLEASE tell me what the appropriate reaction is to this situation?"
and finally,
"I know I'm going to fail this test aren't I?"
Yeah.  That look.  And because it wouldn't have been an oh so mature interaction between Mike and I otherwise, he just shook his head (which I secretly think sometimes means he wonders why he married me) and cracked up laughing just like I knew he would.  Both of us. Laughing all the way.  HAHAHAHA.  Just like the song.  Because making Mike crack up laughing is the single most important task in my life and because in the end, we are both mature like that.  We were doing the hahaha part when it wasn't time for it.   We didn't have any bells on our bobsled, but there might have been some on the van. Seems like the last repair bill might have said something about reattaching bells on the bobsled.  As I recall, it was a pretty pricey repair.  

Moving along...again....

First of all, in Victorian England, if a female had fallen in the snow a gent would NOT have left the scene while she writhed around in her stupid hoop skirt complete with a bustle trying to figure out a way to get up without showing her bloomers.  The problem of the hoop skirt would have been compounded by the fact that she probably would have had high heeled granny boots on (which apparently are now called ankle boots so younger people want to wear them) and her hands would have been bound up in a ridiculous fur muff.  Probably white fur too.  All of this would surely have been upsotting to the female.  On the other hand, the unsuspecting Victorian gent, probably would have been doing the "hahaha" part of this song because it is certainly quite a scenario and one worthy of many hahaha's as far as I'm concerned.

For the record, when we were kids I always took my part of the "hahaha's" very seriously and enunciated loudly enough for the neighbors to hear.  Quite possibly, it sounded slightly maniacal.  This was followed quickly by uproarious laughter at the word "upsot", not to mention Miss Fanny Bright.  In our house a fanny was, ahem, someone's backside, so the idea of someone's rearend being bright, sent me into side splitting laughter every single time.  No one thought to explain to me that this was apparently someone's name and not a nickname someone was labelled with when they were five.  Finally, when we got to "crack, you'll take the lead", my sisters and I all took advantage of smacking each other on the "crack" part (of the song, not someone's fanny).  We were free to abuse each other as long as Mom's eyes were firmly glued to the music (aka ignoring us as best she could in hopes that we would actually quit fooling around and sing the song appropriately...poor Mom) she was playing and not watching what in the world her offspring were going to invent in order to torture each other with during a Christmas song.  Thankfully, this is not a "Christian" Christmas carol or we would have been dead trying to sing this one for "Special Music" on Sunday morning.  There would have been no way we would have gotten through that one without cracking up laughing even if Mom had threatened us with bodily harm.

Caroling Rule #3 clearly states not to make eye contact with other carolers during the singing of certain songs containing odd words and funny verses.  Now, you know why they had to make this rule.

Caroling Rule #4 states that caroling must be done acapella which is a good thing.  We rocked the acapella part in case you were wondering.  Although secretly I think they made this rule up because it's pretty hard to haul around a piano when you go caroling. It doesn't travel well behind the bobsled and pushing it into and out of people's homes is upsotting to them. 

Here's the lyrics just so you can get a good laugh too!
Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O'er the hills we go
Laughing all the way.
Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright
Oh what sport to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight.

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way!
O what joy it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fannie Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
He got into a drifted bank
And we - we got upsot

A day or two ago
The story I must tell
I went out on the snow
And on my back I fell
A gent was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie
But quickly drove away

Now the ground is white
Go it while you're young
Take the girls tonight
And sing this sleighing song
Just get a bobtailed bay
Two forty is his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack! You'll take the lead.

Nat King Cole's "Jingle Bells"


Frank Sinatra's "J I N G L E Bells"