The Trip Commences

I left last Monday morning around 4:45am for the sunny climes of central Florida. I was already late by approximately eight hours but since I'd been doing my best imitation of the chicken without it's head for the past week, I decided I needed to sleep before I left. I managed to get to bed somewhere around 11:30 and then ignored the alarm for 45 minutes or so when it went off at 3:00 am. That is just an ungodly hour as far as I'm concerned. If I see 3:00 am it's because I've been up reading or working or looking for Mike's wallet, or taking Mike his wallet while he sits on the turnpike waiting for said wallet, it certainly isn't because I've gone to bed at a decent hour and am now ready to get up. God doesn't want me to be getting up at 3:00 am. He might want others to get up at that time, but not me. Thankfully, it isn't His will for me. I think it is God's will that I get up around 10:00, 9:00 if I have to and if it's during the school year I guess it's His will for me to be up at 7:45. If I had to get up at 3:00 am, I would have to go to bed at 5 or 6 in the evening, possibly even 4. If that happened who would get dinner for the natives and see that their homework was done? See? I told you it isn't God's will for me.

Anyway, I'm sure Mike was impressed with me ignoring the clock since he hears the alarm and gets up instantly. I guess it's that Marine Corps training. I get up instantly too. It's just 30-45 instances later, that's all. Mike doesn't agree that this is the definition of "instantly" but he's entitled to his opinion. I looked on webster.com and "instantly" has more than one definition, plus, I like to make up my own definitions if I need to. My Mom also wants to know why I can't just set the alarm for the time I need to get up and well, get up. I don't know. I need to ease into the day, that's why. So, I need 30 minutes of interrupted sleep to do that I guess. Anyway, was my Mom in the Marine Corps too or something?

Ahem...

Around 4:52 I yawned for the first time on this trip. I was pretty sure it was going to be the first of 4,239 yawns before I reached central Florida. I also cracked my first Dr. Pepper of the trip. I was afraid to think about how many I was probably going to need to stay awake for this drive and how jittery I was going to be at the end of the drive after a case of Diet Dr. Pepper. Maybe I would need to switch things up a little bit and go for a Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper or perhaps even a Diet Pepsi. I decided I would probably get some type of weird disease due to all the aspartame I would be consuming in order to finish this drive. I was disappointed that I failed to ask Belinda whether or not it was possible to get an IV Dr. Pepper drip for the ride down to Florida. It probably would have been cheaper except my HMO wouldn't cover it as it would be "elective". Also, I don't have an HMO. I admit that I laughed like a simpleton for a few miles while I imagined the looks I would get pushing my IV pole into the rest area with a can of Dr. Pepper tipped upside down dripping into the bag and then into my arm. Kind of a funny visual isn't it? All I can say is that at 5:00 am many things are funny that are not funny once the sun comes up. I think I might have accidentally spit on the windshield when I burst out laughing at that particular visual.

I believe I have digressed a time or two here. Moving along.

I made my first stop at 5:05 at the Lucas County Public Library to drop off my books. I was going to bring them with me but they were new releases and I was afraid someone would request them while I was gone and I'd have to figure out how to ship them back home or else just pay the fine. I hated to give up my books, but I hated the potential fine also, so into the book drop they went. Besides, I had approximately, eight or nine books with me anyway so it wasn't like I was going to need the two I gave back to the library. What was I thinking when I packed? Nine dogs, four kids and nine books? I needed way more reading material. Just kidding.

Around 4:58am I yawned for the eighth time this trip. It was going to be an excruciatingly long drive today and I was supposed to be in Gatlinburg already asleep and instantly waking up at 8:00am to finish the drive to Florida with the kids.

Back to the car and onto 475 with Mercy Me's "10" CD blasting on the radio. "Ten Special Rules" or whatever it's called is a pretty clever adaptation of the 10 Commandments and it makes me laugh cuz my kids like it and do the "Butt Bounce" while singing it. I hope that isn't offensive to anyone. Basically, it's about the only "dance" you can do while confined to a carseat and it's pretty funny to watch in the mirror. I can watch them do the BB, laugh, sing, change CDs, text, dig money out for the turnpike toll and drive all at the same time. Thankfully, driving to Florida does not require travelling on the turnpike, at least not in Ohio.

When one is driving the highways and byways of the midwest, we are the van careening down the road looking quite a lot like the van Bob the Tomato is driving in the "Jonah" movie. In fact, after I picked the kids up, they were singing "Drive into the river Bob" from the Jonah movie. Then laughed like hyenas when they decided they should have been singing that when Grandpa was driving them over to Knoxville to meet me since his name is, Bob. What did you think it was?

But I got ahead of myself because between Toledo and BG yawns number #38 - #62 were expended. Wow. This is going to be a really long trip. Anyone still with me? Breakfast is coming up as soon as I hit Kentucky and you won't want to miss the description of my culinary delight.