How are you doing with your New Year's Resolutions? I'm doing great. Mostly because I didn't make any. I hardly ever do because I think it's sort of silly. If I think of something that I want to change in my life, I just try to start doing it when I think of it, otherwise I will forget. Why wait until the new year? Sometimes, that could mean having to try and remember something for 364.5 days before implementation. That's dumb.
One year I sent my sister an email on New Years Day that started off with "So far this year I have________" and I proceeded to list off everything I had done. Since we were usually up half of the night, the list was pretty short; mostly limited to "I got out of bed" or "I got dressed". Needless to say it was a ridiculous email. The funny part about it was that different times during the year one of us would email the other and say, "So have you done _________ yet this year?"
I think it was this stupid email that inevitably led to our joint New Years Resolution List.
I forget who started it, but I do remember that once it got started, the list escalated into an all out contest to see who could come up with the most ridiculous resolution. We also had to email or text each other when we broke the resolutions. Most of them were broken by the second day of the year. Some of them will NEVER be broken by either one of us and once in a very great while, a resolution or two would stand all the way until February depending on what type of dessert we had been mindlessly fixing for the past four weeks.
Here's a partial list:
1. Do not eat brownie batter.
2. Do not eat cookie dough.
3. I will not buy chocolate chip cookie dough from the refrigerator section at the store with the intentention of eating the dough and not baking the cookies. (This one is easy to get around by telling yourself that your intent was to bake the cookies and that you had to eat the dough because the entire house was void of all food sources except for the cookie dough.)
4. Do not sled off the roof of the house. This is important if you live in Florida!
5. Do not eat angel food cake batter.
6. If you eat the angel food cake batter, do not eat ALL of it or else you will get a terrible stomach ache. (One of us has personal experience with this.)
7. If you actually bake the angel food cake, do not eat ALL of the cake in one day by yourself. (One of us has personal experience with this too.)
9. Do not say bad words. (Unfortunately, from time to time, both of us have personal experience with this.)
10. If you eat a butter and brown sugar sandwich, make sure you hide it from your spouse so they don't think you are weird. This is particularly important if you are eating it on a hoagie bun and you took the time to make the butter and brown sugar into a hyper-glycemic inducing hot dog of sorts. We know our Grandma looks down upon us from Heaven with pride and with a tear in her eye, when she sees how we have perfected her culinary delight.
11. Do not eat raw Pillsbury crescent roll dough.
12. Do not, under any circumstance, eat pickled pigs feet. (Our Grandpa was a pig farmer and we know what the pigs stand in all day!)
13. Do not start smoking. (Duh, we don't smoke, never have, never will, but since everyone else always says they are going to quit, we said we wouldn't start in the new year.)
14. Do not eat liver or cow tongue under any circumstance and do your best to go to your happy place if you are ever confronted by someone willfully eating such a mess in front of you during the upcoming year.
Quickly moving along before I throw up at the thought of #14....
15. Do not fight while driving a small orange car. (yeah, yeah, more personal experience)
16. Do not make fun of other people's attire while out in public unless the target is out of earshot.
17. Do not eat cake batter. Grandma said you will get worms from it.
18. In an attempt to prove Grandma is wrong, eat the cake batter, but do not eat all of the frosting you made for the cake. (This seems like you are breaking resolution #17, but this one is really about the frosting so it's ok.)
19. While making frosting for your cake, make enough to eat some so that no one will notice. (This one is easy because it gives you permission to eat frosting!)
20. Do NOT lick cheese and then salt it. Most cheese is salty enough and yes, we know someone who does this which is why we needed a resolution to remember not to do it.
Every now and then my sister and I will be laughing really hard about something and then one of us will say, "What's wrong with us? Do other people laugh about stuff like this or is it just us? If we are asking what's wrong with us, does that mean we are really ok? Do we need some type of medication? Should we be worried? Afraid?" After rereading our Resolution List, I think it is apparent what is wrong with us.
I have to go email my sister so I can tell her I finally figured out the answer to our question! I hope the rest of you are doing a great job of making and breaking your New Years Resolutions.
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