The other day I was out shopping with Kate and Corinne when we stopped for lunch at Arby's. Over lunch, we were talking about such varied topics as their upcoming trip to Florida to visit Grandpa and Stephanie, Aunt Mel, Uncle Larry and all of their dogs, different people from church, as well as laughing about silly things that ten and eleven year old girls think are funny. In that case, it sometimes helps to BE a ten or eleven year old girl in order to understand why what they are laughing about is funny. We were having a great time.
During a lull in our conversation, I became aware of a grandfather who was having lunch with his approximately four year old granddaughter. However, instead of actually having a conversation about Barbie, silly bands, the princesses or laughing at her little-girl giggles, he was texting and showing her how to go online with his Blackberry! I wondered if my girls would notice and if they did, I wondered what they would think of that.
My maternal Grandfather died when I was about four, my maternal Grandmother died when I was 16, my paternal Grandmother died when I was 30 and Grandpa died when I was 31. I grew up within about .2 miles from my paternal grandparents, while Grandma Bower lived a whopping four miles away. It took absolutely forever to get to her house when I was small! When I was in my early 20's and had moved about 20 miles away from home, I remember calling Grandma Bloomer and saying that I wasn't sure I liked living "so far" away from her. She laughed and said, "You can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl." I said, "It's more than that. I've never been this far away from you and I'm not sure I like not being able to look out the window and see if you are still up or not." She just laughed.
To say that my grandparents heavily influenced my life would be an understatement. Grandma Bower came to our house every Sunday after church, had dinner with us, stayed all afternoon, went back to Sunday evening church and then we took her home. She made this chocolate frosting that if you were careful, you could peel it off the top of your cake and eat it like a piece of fudge. It was like getting two deserts in one day, so don't tell my Mom! She also make the best stuffing, molasses cookies (with three raisins in each cookie) and chocolate chip cookies (with exactly four chocolate "bits" in each cookie). She taught me a lot about God, about life and she was just a lot of fun to hang around with. When I went to her house or on Sunday afternoons, we played Crazy Eights, Old Maid, Go Fish, Flinch, Tri-Ominoes, Dominoes, Monopoly, Sorry, Rook and just about any other board or card game that was ever invented. We went for walks to the park and around the block. When she had to go into the nursing home, I used to ride my bike over to see her on Saturdays and when I would leave, she would take her walker and go out to the end of the building to make sure I crossed Airport Highway safely. I was 15. I always wondered what she was going to do if I somehow met my demise crossing that road while she was watching. I distinctly remember watching Santa Claus is Coming to Town on our color TV with Grandma one year, but it is one of only a handful of memories that I have of her and "technology"; unless you count the old phonograph as technology. It was a very sad time when Grandma died and I still miss her all these years later. Sometimes I wish she were still here to advise me or to play a game with or to read to.
As for my paternal grandparents, they lived right up the road from us and spied on us regularly. They didn't even hide it! They had a bay window with two chairs that sat facing each other. On the shelf next to the chairs, were the binoculars they used to make sure we weren't getting into mischief! Those binoculars were what prompted the phone call to our mother during the blizzard of 1978. I guess they didn't think it was particularly safe for us to be sledding off the roof of the house. Go figure.
Grandma Bower always said to me, "You go from one extreme to the next." I guess she thought I exaggerated a lot for some reason. She also said, "What did you have for dinner today? Giggle soup?" I guess she thought I laughed a lot for some reason. She also said, "Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone." She was NOT impressed with the attempt to manipulate her with tears and she had no problem letting me know that she wasn't about to tolerate it. I needed this type of firm hand when I was a kid and she was smart enough to know it. God was too, which is why He gave her to me. Unfortunately, Grandma told my Mom about this strategy too, so I wasn't able to get away with anything whatsoever.
Grandma Bloomer always had cookies or butter and brown sugar sandwiches to eat at her house. She was an excellent cook too. She made her own noodles! She made sugar cookies, chili, etc. and she never used a recipe that I know of nor did she measure anything. Grandma also had dogs; in particular Shelties. They were so cute and cuddly and it was great fun to go up to Grandma's and play with the dogs. Grandpa raised pigs for slaughter which required an electrified fence. We used to throw corn husks on the fence in an attempt to entice a pig to come and get it off the fence so we could hear it squeal! Grandpa taught Sunday school and Grandma sang and sometimes when we would spend the night on Saturday night, I would see Grandpa putting the finishing touches on his lesson. That old, black Bible was marked all over with his notes. That made an impression on me because I had always been taught not to write in books and here was Grandpa writing in red and black ink in the grandaddy of all books ever written!
Both of my grandmas were great in dispensing advise or getting me to think about something in a different way. They usually never came right out and said what they thought I should do, but they both asked enough questions, that on the way home, it was pretty hard to miss what they thought about any particular situation. They prayed for me too. Sometimes they did it right in front of me and sometimes they just told me they were doing it. If you think I need prayers now, you should have known me back then! If Mom and Dad hadn't already made my grandparent's hair turn gray, it surely would have by the time they had me to contend with!
There were so many memories of my grandparents that came flooding into my mind that day we were at Arby's. Memories of family dinners with everyone gathered together for prayer before eating, memories of going to church together, listening to Grandpa pray, hearing my grandmas sing, spending time together, the wisdom and knowledge that they freely shared with me, the way they anchored me and instilled into me the things that matter most; mostly love of family and love for God.
As we got ready to leave, Corinne said, "Mom did you see that grandpa showing that little girl how to get online with his phone?" I acknowledged that I had seen it and also said, "I feel sorry for her. Actually, I feel sorry for both of them." When Corinne asked me why I said, "Because someday one of them might not be here anymore and when that day comes, what will the one left behind remember? That they went to Arby's and fooled around with a cell phone instead of having a real conversation?"
I felt kind of sorry for the little girl and her grandpa as we loaded up in our car to leave. Technology can be a great thing. We need it for many things, but I think sometimes it encroaches upon things that it has no business being a part of; for instance, lunch with your granddaughter.
If this is what being a grandparent means in the this new age, I'm going to be the nerdy one who leaves the cell phone off when I am privileged enough to have lunch with my grandkiddos. They will deserve nothing less and I will be blessed that I have the opportunity to spend time with them.
Here's a poem I wrote about Grandma Bower when she died. I was 16.
"A Tribute to Grandma"
Dorothy Louise Bower
I looked at you with tears in my eyes
and wondered silently why you died.
I knew you were old
your health was failing
but you were my Grandma
who would always be there
to wipe away my tears
and chase away my fears.
I couldn't believe it was you laying there
and as I cried, I continued to stare
at the person who was my Grandma.
Who a few days before and been so full of life
in spite of all the pain and strife
you dealt with in the past few months.
You said you wouldn't always be near
and not to approach death with fear,
but rather as an extension of life.
The past few months have been really hard
my thoughts always focus on you
and though we didn't say it often,
I hope you knew it's true:
you were one of the biggest
influences in my life
and Grandma, I'll always love you.
-Teresa Bloomer
November 1983
And here's one I wrote when Grandma Bloomer died.
"Iris in the Spring"
(for Grandma)
Peach cobbler in the Summer,
the iris in the Spring,
an angel food cake at Christmas
to celebrate the birthday of a King.
Good advice freely given,
solicited or not,
baby-sitter to many Grandchildren
when they were tiny tots.
She had sympathetic ear,
and ready hands to wipe our tears.
Wife, Mother and Grandmother too,
she became more precious with each passing year.
Grandma thought her kids were perfect,
each one with their own special gift,
and her Grandkids knew they were too,
on a bad day it could give you a lift.
But Grandpa was the special one,
the sunshine of her day,
"He was the only boy I ever loved!"
to me she'd always say.
And even when she could hardly see,
she'd comb his beard so tenderly,
and anyone watching them would know,
they had what God wanted a marriage to be.
Grandma taught us all about God,
by taking us to church,
she lived the message here at home,
and said that if we loved Him,
someday we'd see the Heavenly throne.
Grandma missed the iris this year,
the cobbler didn't taste the same,
but when she died,
on her face was a smile,
for she'd heard her Saviour call her name.
And before those left behind had even shed a tear,
Grandma heard the words of the Lord whispered in her ear,
"Well done my good and faithful Servant,
your work on Earth is done.
Come see the place I built for you,
You've been faithful to my Son."
And when it's time for you to go,
if you live the life that Grandma showed,
with our Lord you'll live eternally
and someday soon Grandma's sweet face you'll see.
-T. Bent
August 28, 1997
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