When I was younger, I wanted to be an astronomer. Galileo was my hero. Not really, in fact I had to look up how to spell his name. However, it sounds a little better than the truth; that I wanted to find a new galaxy and/or planet and name it after myself so that I could be famous. Because besides Pluto, how many people do you know that have a planet named after them? That's right. No one. And Pluto doesn't count either because he's a dog. Actually, he's just a guy named Herman who's dressed up as a dog named Pluto so that really doesn't count. In the end, naming a planet after yourself sounds kind of egotistical.
Truthfully, it's hard to say what I was thinking during the astronomer phase of my life, but thankfully someone straightened me out about the possibility of facing difficulties in finding employment in that profession. As with my librarian/bookstore owner phase, this vocation fell by the wayside as well. I'm fairly certain that at one point, I decided I would build a planetarium inside my bookstore so whenever I didn't have my nose planted in a book, I would be upstairs finding my new galaxy; planted in the planetarium, if you will. T's Tomes and Extra Terrestrial Tracking (or T Squared E T Squared), has a pretty nice ring to it don't you think? I mean, who wouldn't want to check out the stars and buy a new book at the same time besides my sisters who were of course always scheming against me just because I was the middle kid and all because they were jealous since Mom liked me better and they wanted to make sure that I would fail in my imaginary bookstore/planetarium venture just because they didn't come up with the idea first.
I might need therapy. I mean they might have needed therapy. But not anymore because we are adults now. Well, chronologically speaking we are adults, but none of us act very much like adults. That's over-rated kind of like that whole vote for change thing turned out to be.
Of course I said all of the above because Tuesday and Wednesday night there were meteor showers in the area. I forgot about them on Tuesday night and nearly forgot about them on Wednesday until a really bright meteor streaked across the sky when I was on my way home from WalMart. By the time I arrived home, I had seen two more meteors so I thought it might be fun to watch for awhile.
Since it's never really dark in town and that's where we live, I wondered if I would be able to see any meteors at all. The neighbors have a vapor light and normally I am happy to share their light because it means I don't have to fork over money to put one up in my own yard. Of course by "share" I mean that I get the benefit, but they have to pay for it. Anyway, that's their fault for placing it where they did. They could hide it under a bushel, but no, they let it shine all over Delta.
Now, I am not Satan (right Mom?), however, Wednesday night I seriously considered blowing out that light and/or duct taping a bushel over it just so I could see the meteor shower better. I decided not to though since I was pretty sure that I would either fall off the ladder and injure myself, thereby becoming dependant upon the government's deathcare insurance or else make such a racket that the neighbors would send their dog out to bite me or something. Since neither of those seemed like attractive options, I chose to deal with the light. Besides that, after I was happily situated on our swing, I was surprised to see that although it was a nuisance, I was able to view the meteor shower light shining and all.
I like to call meteor showers "nature's fireworks". Of course I have never actually used the term "nature's fireworks" until about five seconds ago when I typed it but it sounds pretty funny to me and I plan on making my kids call meteor showers by this term from now on. I'll be homeschooling this year so you should probably feel sorry for the kids.
Moving along.
One of the meteors that I saw had sort of a red tail to it and that was pretty neat. In retrospect, if the neighbors light had gone out when that thing streaked across the sky, I probably would have hightailed it into the house assuming that Satan had just blown out their light and was stalking me yet again. Most of the meteors were pretty much white light though. If you like white fireworks or possibly white Christmas lights, then you would probably like to view a meteor shower some day. It also helps if your idea of fun is sitting or laying outside in the the pitch black, damp night and staring at the sky wondering when or if the next meteor is going to go streaking across the horizon.
Here are my tips for viewing a meteor shower in no particular order.
1. Get a box and poke a very small hole in it...oops. Those are the directions for a solar eclipse.
Ok, here's the list:
1. Go in the house. I know you are probably thinking that is pretty stupid advice unless you have a planetarium built into your attic, which I would venture to say that most people do not. However, I seemed to need to go into the house a lot during the time I spent communing with nature's fireworks.
First, I needed a blanket because the cushions on the swing were very dewy. After I retrieved the blanket and situated it on the swing, I saw three meteors within five minutes.
Next, I needed to go in for a pillow because the swing's cushions were not all that comfortable after about 45 seconds or so. Also, my arm fell asleep because I had it jammed under my head trying to compensate for the cruddy swing cushions. When I placed the pillow on the swing and once again got situated, I saw two more meteors.
Later, I needed to go back into the house for a second blanket because it got pretty chilly outside. I have a rule about not wearing a coat before November, sweatpants before October and I haven't crammed my feet in a pair of socks since early May. Because of these asinine rules I made up for myself in Junior High, I had to go back into the house and get a blanket to cover up with since I don't have any rules about blankets. I came back outside, laid down on the swing, covered up with the blanket and just like magic, I saw three more meteors.
It was probably inevitable that I needed to go into the house for a drink of water. I could have used a water bottle, but everyone knows it's dangerous to drink out of plastic bottles now due to the threat of getting cancer and possibly having to rely on the government to tell you it's time to die instead of treating you (see page 435 of the Deathcare Code). I'm sorry, I believe I might have digressed into another topic there. After I was thoroughly satiated (look it up Val) I was able to see four or five meteors almost immediately upon coming back outside. It was as if they were waiting for me to return every time I had to forage for supplies in the house. As you can see, going into the house is a good idea when viewing a meteor shower.
2. You should also pretend you are going to go in the house. What? It worked every time. I started to get a little tired around 3:00am so each time I thought about heading into the house to go to bed, I would see several meteors in a short period of time. It was as if nature's fireworks could understand what I was thinking so they would hurry up and fall out of the sky just to keep me sitting there waiting for the grass to grow. I mean for the meteors to fall.
3. Look towards the East. If you look towards the East, out of the corner of your eye, you will catch the meteors falling in the South and North. If you look South, you will catch East and West. If you look West, you will catch North and South. What I am saying is the meteors will probably fall wherever you are not looking so you have to be quick about noticing them. They only last between one and three seconds according to a national news channel. However, I think the three second statement was slightly over-rated. Much like this new health/death care plan the government is trying to ram through Congress. I think I digressed again and probably sealed my fate so that I will never be able to get deathcare from the government. It's too bad too. Because last night I was looking off to the South hoping to catch a three second meteor and I got whiplash when I had to hurry up in order to view the one second meteor that was falling in the East. I really need a chiropractor now.
4. Depending on your age, it's a bad idea to text while trying to watch a meteor shower. After viewing the bright screen and then trying to look at the dark sky, the contrast is really almost more than anyone whose eyes are older than 18 or possibly mid-20's, can adjust to. Of course, younger people would probably not need to actually look at their screens anyway because they have a gene which allows them to text without having to look at the buttons.
They also practice these skills in school. Today, kids have to be able to send a minimum of five hundred texts during one class period or else they are in danger of not meeting graduation requirements. Since our schools require them to be proficient in texting and apparently taking inaccurate notes on our method of government at the same time, I'm not sure why they are crashing their cars while texting. Perhaps some of them have a defective texting gene and are sadly unable to multi-task. If this is the case, the deathcare plan will address what needs to be done with these people. If thousands of them are texting and crashing their cars, the goverment death counselors can help convince the person who crashed that they are not skilled or proficient enough to continue living. It's called over-chlorinating the gene pool.
5. Fall asleep. It would seem that one cannot view nature's fireworks if one is asleep but that assumption is not accurate. At some point last night, I dozed off and when I woke up, it was just like magic. I almost believed that someone in Washington waved his or her magic wand just so I was able to view three more meteors while I was packing up my gear and heading back into the house. Of course then reality set in when I realized that unless the Meteor Shower Viewing Act had actually been introduced into Congress 45 years ago, the government had nothing to do with it. They would still be trying to figure out how to tax me for watching the previously free show and turning the original two hundred page document into enough paper to supply a mid-sized elementary school for the upcoming school year, while somehow still justifying charging parents $800 in school fees and supplies. I also wouldn't have been able to view the shower without written authorization from the deathcare counselor lest a stray meteor accidentally fall on me, thereby causing me to actually have to use deathcare insurance for a medical need. Since NASA knew about the meteor shower and most news networks were encouraging people to watch it, it's entirely possible any damage inflicted upon me from the falling meteor would have been considered a pre-existing condition and therefore excluded from compulsory compensation by the government.
I conservatively estimate that I saw somewhere around 30 meteors or so in the span of time I was outside. I was pretty impressed with that. Even if my name isn't Galileo, Pluto or even Herman for that matter and I don't have a planet named after me, I thought it was pretty cool of God to put on the show for me and remind me who's really in control.
"The heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament showeth His handiwork."
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